I am soooooo working around the edges of the issue this week. Crying over all the wrong things. But here is a list of those things.
There is all this death a few steps removed from me lately - a co-worker's husband, another's great-aunt, a high school acquaintance.
I am feeling frustrated at work, as though I have come up against a totally imaginary brick wall of my own invention and as though everything I have been working on all year is misguided and impossible.
I suddenly realized I am still being peer freaking reviewed. Another round to go before the thing is finished in April.
It's taking forever for our crib to sell because the lovely old-timey Canadian company that made it went out of business and no one wants to trust it now. And there's a big shelf in the minimal hall outside our bedroom waiting for someone stronger than I to come along and help Wes move it to the basement. Our dishes aren't getting done speedy fast lately because we are both exhausted. The house feels yuckier than normal, disorganized. We have an extremely low tolerance for this around here. It makes us cranky.
The getting of financial aid for Beckett to attend my school was a far more hideous and vulnerable-feeling process than I expected and left me feeling exposed and raw walking around my workplace. And I get to do it every year.
There are a lot of fun conferences I want to attend and I can't.
Um. What else? I have to work on Saturday but there is supposed to be a snowstorm so I highly doubt anyone will come to the event and this will be awful.
I hate winter. My body hurts like crazy. I need to do something about it but everything seems to cost money we do not have.
But I could get a Flexeril prescription pretty easy. I could. But I haven't. I can't even talk about it.
The reason I cannot even approach the whole situation is the reason I can take the Flexeril now. It is also the reason I can (and do) have a beer each night at 5 pm lately.
Er. Um.
Blergh.
Beckett seems to have weaned himself.
Twelve days ago.
I can't go on typing about it. A deeper explanation of my emotions will have to come in the next post.
Blergh.
