seeing much of his language development happen before my eyes. there are all these words he sort of says now and i don't always understand.
whenever it was that he figured out how to do the stacking blocks, i missed it and now he's a pro.
somewhere along the way he learned to hold a water bottle to drink and to take bites of apple from a big chunk.
he notices airplanes.
i can no longer stand to hear him cry like i could before. sleep retraining is a menacing prospect but so is continuing to go to work after spending half the night sleeping (and not sleeping) in a chair.
i have the day off. today, as on weekends, he won't take a nap for me. he nurses to sleep sometimes but i somehow lost the ability to transfer him to the crib. it's either let him nurse for hours and sit there while he sleeps or put him down and let him scream. night time had still been fine until last night when he nursed to semi-sleep for an hour and then i had to use wes' humming and holding techniques to get him to actually sleep. said technique does not seem to work for me for naps. right now he is alternating between blood-curdling screams and chatty little noises and pounding on the crib. i had to leave him in there because i've tried all other ways and the boy needs a nap. but i know this isn't going to work either.
now he's switched to calling for dada.
he only says mama when he wants me to turn on the television.
i was looking forward to my day with him but honestly i have lost something and it feels like i am not good at this anymore. i know this is melodramatic and kind of dumb but it's where i am right now.
