So, um, when exactly does the screaming nipple pain end?
I had planned to post today asking when people introduced pacifiers, because I am bound and determined not to become a human one and we were getting downright desperate. Then, of course, we went ahead and stuck one in him somewhere along the line of misery last night and I am really rather convinced this was a life-altering decision that may actually make us that little increment more sane. I didn't know what else to do when he wanted to endlessly suck, and the boobs hurt so much and I know that he and the pump have taken all the milk and I just wanted to cry when I saw that mouth gaping at me. I can't bounce or sway too much thanks to the c-section and anyway it seems like he can't handle me doing anything but boob since he knows I am the boob person. Wes can bounce for an hour or so before he starts to look like he may actually fall over. Sometimes Beckett will tolerate the swing a little. And then what? What else was there to make him not cry when not sleeping (and he just doesn't sleep for that long, our boy). Now there is sucking. Hallelujah. Sucking apparently makes all other activities acceptable, including the before-reviled diaper changes.
We went to the pediatrician and liked him because he told me I was being used. This is the type of thing that many crunchier breastfeeding moms do NOT enjoy hearing, as many feel that infants should be fed on demand no matter what. I personally need some structure as soon as possible so was hoping for ways to delay feedings just a tad if he demands to eat 10 minutes after I have fed him everything I have, for example. And the 90 minute feeding the other day seemed excessive to me, so I was happy to have someone agree with me. So we are dropper supplementing feedings that are too short or before we hope foolishly for a stretch of sleep. All breastmilk supplements at this point thanks to the pump.
Speaking of which, pumpers, that noise the Medela makes? That squeaky weird voice-like sound when you're pumping? Do other people like to try to figure out what English words it sounds like? We have settled on "Died of boooooredom died of boooooredom died of boooooredom."
Anyway, the pediatrician was also nice and non-alarmist and not forcing us to worry yet about MORE supplementing, as my milk has so newly come in. Beck is now at 8lbs 1oz (9 oz down) and we go back for a weigh-in on Thursday. If he is gaining on track by then, we are good to go. If not, well, I am working on stockpiling some breastmilk if I can. And we'll move on to bottles for them if we need to. He is definitely not dehydrated now and the jaundice is only above his chest at this point, which suggests it is getting better. So that was good.
And another thing - is it just sleepy laziness that makes him start to slide out of his latch about 10 minutes into a feeding? We latch (with screaming, of course) and things are OK after lots of deep breaths and curses. And then it suddenly starts to burn and I have to either get him off (can someone please give me a description of how to get him off the nipple with a little less agony?) or just try to bear it because I SO don't want to do the take-off and latch again. I know. I am being foolish and making it worse by not perfecting the latch. But sometimes I am delirious. You know. So what's that about and how do I keep him latched on better for a whole 20 minutes or so?
And another... what do you do with a baby who won't sleep at night on his own for anything resembling a sane stretch? The last two nights we have only accomplished sleep of more than 2 hours by holding him while we sleep. Wes had him in bed and we got 4 hours. Last night I had him on my chest while I slept on the couch and got 2 hours. I am not entirely worried about it from a spoiling point of view (though we want to be wary on this because GMB didn't get out of our bed until age 10 and we are traumatized by that) but I do worry from a SIDS angle. I know we should be sleeping with no pillows or blankets if he is with us but I totally can't do that right now. Maybe the pacifier will help this issue and he will sleep in his basket. But I also know that sometimes we just sort of dissolve into sleep while holding him. And I worry. Is this a needless worry? What about if we take into consideration the final sentences of this post?
And finally - we have directions but could someone offer further guidance on getting him into the Kangaroo pouch carrier thing? Our first attempt was laughably bad. Melissa and laGiulia used this so we will eventually call and ask them, but thought it couldn't hurt to stick it on here as well.
OK. The good stuff:
He has the most expressive arms. They are constantly moving when he is both awake and sleeping unswaddled. He appears to be conducting a complicated orchestral piece. Or performing illusions. Or sometimes counting to infinity.
He has a vaguely suspicious and grumpy face much of the time, which naturally pleases and amuses me to no end. He also frequently looks around sternly with one eye open and we call him Mad Eye Moody.
And finally...
He rolled over this morning. From stomach to back. Age 6 days. Thank you, thank you. His brilliance is absolutely overwhelming. And we are so, so screwed as far as mobility.
