I seem to have a pretty major case of post-vacation depression here. Really, it seems we both have it. GMB is happy to be out of the SF cold summer (he, unlike us, enjoys warmer beach-going) but Wes and I are slumping around grumpy.
I had my ultrasound this morning, but it's only CD 10 and nothing much was going on. She didn't even tell me my numbers. She's not in tomorrow, which is why I had a CD10 ultrasound, and this means that I have to rely on godforsaken ovulation tests all weekend, making myself crazy the way I did in the old days. This was supposed to be the perk of Clomid - the constant monitoring - but when my cycle times out to weekend it is all for naught.
I feel tremendously negative. I have maybe a tiny spark of hope somewhere deeeeeeeeep down that maybe this try or the next (final?) one will work. But it seems awfully down to the wire here. I have tried every pep talk possible to no avail. I just don't believe that I will ever be pregnant.
Fortunately(?), I am the antithesis of new age cognitive behavioral mind body crap, so I will not be wasting my time with any pregnancy visualization hoo-ha or chanting to any moon goddesses or anything else. For better or for worse, that stuff just doesn't work for me.
But I have found myself pondering acupuncture. Which can only be a bad sign - means that all those well-meaning asswipes who told me that I had to try it apparently lodged themselves in my brain and their assvice is seeping out when I can least afford it (feeding a 15 year old is expensive work - we have no extra money all. summer. long.).
Sometimes it just seems like everything is aligning to remind me of it, you know? Even the fricking dentist... I haven't been in a year, and last time I was there I didn't have the x-rays because I was in a 2 Week Wait. And obviously I therefore told them that I wasn't having x-rays because I *might* be pregnant. Which means that my fabulous dentist asked right off the bat, after reading his notes, about the whole pregnancy thing. Which meant I had to say, "Nope. Not pregnant. Still trying."
Bleh.
Add to this the fact that all possible forays into house-buying and renovation seem to be at a total standstill...
and that my in-laws are in town...
and that I have to work again next week...
and we get
me
puddle of bleh.
